I start this article by pointing out those narcissistic features that play an important role in choosing such a partner, which can be:
- Expert “to win the game”
- Smart and well-informed
- Passionate and creative
- Self – confident
- Capable of making a reputation
But who wouldn’t want such a partner with such qualities? However, if you ask yourself how you got there, I would advised you not to be too tough with you because narcissists, as I have pointed out above, can be extremely attractive and seductive and probably you have not been left with too many choices, because they see a relationship rather as a game, and if they are determined to win, nothing will stand in the way.
Moreover, it is precisely these traits of attracting a partner as a magnet, which blocks the ability of the person to see the “signs”, meaning, those problematic narcissistic features (confident, manipulative, entitled, lack of empathy, slightly irritable and angry, jealous, seeker of validation and attention, liar, irresponsible, controller, unpredictable, paranoid, infidel, hypersensitive, cold etc.).
The bad news is that once you are in such a relationship, you will almost seem impossible to get out of it.
Assuming that this relationship does not make you feel good and happy, let’s see what your feelings might be like:
- Don’t you feel good enough?
- Do you always doubt yourself and change your mind?
- Are you full of regrets?
- Always confused?
- Do you often think that “you have lost your mind”?
- Do you feel exhausted?
- Do you have feelings of shame?
- Do you feel helpless and hopeless?
- Always anxious, agitated and worried?
- Do you have feelings of sadness or depression?
If you answered YES, then you should know that this type of feelings most often appear in a relationship with a person with a narcissistic structure.
To survive such a relationship, you most likely have developed in time some coping strategies, in response to the feelings mentioned above:
- You often invent excuses, possibly even lies because you are ashamed, but also because you want to protect your partner
- You apologize frequently
- You are constantly afraid of being disappointed, so you may be given up in making plans or responding to certain expectations or hopes
- You have difficulty making a decision
- You have isolated yourself socially, avoid people and any social circle
- You feel emotionally numb and you use various methods of distraction (it can be reflected in eating behavior, drink or substance abuse or fitness excess, or for example, maintaining a busy agenda)
Most people do not want to talk about these feelings, because they have to deal with reality, more precisely they should decide what they have to do and what they want from life.
Since we do not have a magic wand to transform the “narcissist” (read more in the January article) into a prince / princess, it would be best for both partners to seek psychological help (individual psychotherapy, most appropriate, but also other forms of psychotherapy in which they trust). The more difficult part is that a narcissistic person will not think he/she has a problem he/she should solve, so that task really becomes a challenge for his or her partner.
But even if your partner does not want a change, do not let yourself disarmed and seek psychological support even if he / she does not accompany you, psychotherapy is essential for your development and your healing. Psychotherapy can also be an important support for your children.
In romantic relationships, narcissists tend to adopt a style of play rather than to seek true intimacy, apparently because of their power and autonomy needs. Narcissists consider and treat their intimate partners as instruments for their pleasure or to support their self-esteem.
Regarding the other interpersonal relationships involving narcissists, they are always tense because of the demands that narcissists impose on others and their lack of empathy and concern for them. They are looking for the company of flattering people, and although they are often superficial, charming and friendly, their interest in people is unilateral: they seek people who will serve their interests and nourish their self-esteem. Narcissists always feel entitled, feelings that lead to the exploitation of others.